Almost every night this is how it goes: I lay down, then I get thirsty and realize I have forgotten my water. I get up and go get it and lay back down only to feel hot so I get up and open the window. Then I lay back down only to realize that I don’t want to cool off the rest of the house and so I get up and shut our bedroom door. After laying there with the window open, I am cool and comfortable but now stuffy and can’t breathe so I get up and take an allergy pill. I lay back down only to most likely get up and go to the bathroom shortly after falling asleep.
In our house we have a small chalkboard that we write verses on. I am usually the writer and being that I am pretty perfect and don’t need to work on anything (haha!), I always put verses that I think will be good for hubs to read. I love when the heat of an argument rises and I can tell him to look at the board.
Well a few weeks ago, he wrote on the board. “Be still and know that I am God.” ps 46:10
“Be still…” just stares at me as I buzz around the house. Laundry, dishes, making beds, making dinner, etc… I can’t sit still and I have never been able to.
But I justified it as being a good thing. I’m not lazy. I get things done and I’m always looking for new opportunities. But after hearing “be still” from a number of people in the last week – I got that I needed to work on it, but it wasn’t until last night that I realized what it really meant.
I don’t think it was directed at me in terms of being physically still, although sometimes I literally need to get tasered to just chill out, God was telling me to keep my mind still.
At Bible study and church we’ve been talking about fear of death. Now, I am not afraid for my own death but it brings me to tears (like it did last night) thinking about other deaths. My baby, my husband, my family members or close friends.
Being a mom has made me such an emotional mess. The other day I was crying to the movie Tangled. Why? Because they took the baby from the parents! My mind immediately goes to my baby being taken and there I stand, a blubbery mess.