be still

Almost every night this is how it goes: I lay down, then I get thirsty and realize I have forgotten my water. I get up and go get it and lay back down only to feel hot so I get up and open the window. Then I lay back down only to realize that I don’t want to cool off the rest of the house and so I get up and shut our bedroom door. After laying there with the window open, I am cool and comfortable but now stuffy and can’t breathe so I get up and take an allergy pill. I lay back down only to most likely get up and go to the bathroom shortly after falling asleep.

In our house we have a small chalkboard that we write verses on. I am usually the writer and being that I am pretty perfect and don’t need to work on anything (haha!), I always put verses that I think will be good for hubs to read. I love when the heat of an argument rises and I can tell him to look at the board.

Well a few weeks ago, he wrote on the board. Be still and know that I am God.” ps 46:10

“Be still…” just stares at me as I buzz around the house. Laundry, dishes, making beds, making dinner, etc… I can’t sit still and I have never been able to.

But I justified it as being a good thing. I’m not lazy. I get things done and I’m always looking for new opportunities. But after hearing “be still” from a number of people in the last week – I got that I needed to work on it, but it wasn’t until last night that I realized what it really meant.

I don’t think it was directed at me in terms of being physically still, although sometimes I literally need to get tasered to just chill out, God was telling me to keep my mind still.

At Bible study and church we’ve been talking about fear of death. Now, I am not afraid for my own death but it brings me to tears (like it did last night) thinking about other deaths. My baby, my husband, my family members or close friends.

Being a mom has made me such an emotional mess. The other day I was crying to the movie Tangled. Why? Because they took the baby from the parents! My mind immediately goes to my baby being taken and there I stand, a blubbery mess.

Almost every day I hear something that makes me think, “What if that happened to me?” And then your mind goes out of control. Ah, the joys of worry. Without worry, life would be so peaceful. And I do trust God, but when I get together with all these faithful, wonderful women and learn about their baby’s death or husbands or all the other troubles – it makes me know that I am not in control, He is.
And boy, there are a lot of times that I think I could have solved a situation better than Him. It’s all a mystery.
Fear, worry and anxiety do nothing but take away from joy we can be experiencing. You can actually really miss out when you are held back by worry and not to mention, spend the night crying and not getting any sleep just because you are thinking of the “what if’s” and then have to get your picture taken for the newspaper in the morning with puffy eyes.
Be still. Be still in my thoughts. And I’m sure Chris would be able to actually fall asleep if I tried to be still at bedtime too.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4: 6-7

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One thought on “be still

  1. Amen sister! I'm right there with you, pressing onto the more full and rich life, full o' joy…choosing faith over fear!Love your blog! Fun stuff!

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