an expanding heart for an expanding family


Audrey (3) and Evelyn (just born)

My life has dramatically changed since last month. Last month my husband and I would spend time at the dinner table having normal conversations and this month we’re discussing the color of poop and number of wet diapers. Welcome to newborn-land (again).

Our second child, Evelyn Mae (sorry, did not choose a “D” name), joined the ABC family on Monday, June 3. She was a healthy 8 lbs. 3 oz.

For all you mothers who are planning but have yet to have a second child, I’ll first encourage you by saying how much easier it is. You’ve run this marathon before.

All those emotional breakdowns, stressed out moments, calls to the doctor because the baby had a dot on her face –that is mostly a thing of the past and with the second go-around, I’m finding myself far more relaxed and educated on the subject of babies.

On the contrary, our little, comfortable family of three has now been interrupted. Mommy’s time is now split in two. Her heart now loves two.

THAT is what is hard to adjust to.

Almost all mothers, whether one child or a handful of them, have a guilt-line running through them. It is just naturally built into us. We’re hard on ourselves and always questioning if we are doing a good job.

Do I spend enough time with her? Should I be teaching her more? Should I be giving her more vegetables or letting her watch less television? Guilt has mothers under attack.

Not until recently did I really feel like I conquered the guilt and with a lot of prayer, started having a well-balanced daily schedule.

Bringing home baby put me under attack again. How could I love TWO so much and give them my time and heart equally?

It is a daily struggle to say to my three-year-old “Mommy can’t right now because I’m taking care of sister.”

This new and uncomfortable feeling had me running to God and asking for wisdom. And all I kept hearing is my life verse which is to “Be still and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10).

So that is what I started doing: being still; trusting Him; and fully embracing His gifts of two precious little girls.

This is very hard for me because things aren’t getting done. Laundry is piled up, dishes are stacked in the sink, the floor is dirty and I haven’t put on makeup in a week.

But I’m sitting on the floor, holding baby Evelyn and reading with Audrey. I’m being still and grasping this time that goes away so fast.

The guilt is settling down. I know that with continued prayer and by practicing just being still and embracing opportunities, I can continue to give Audrey the same love and attention I have been giving her AND give Evelyn the just as much.

I know things will never be exactly equal, but God made mothers with an expanding heart. It doesn’t just get divided and split up, it just gets bigger.

(I will also gladly accept free maid service).


comments welcome

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s