People continually ask me how I am doing. “Adjusting,” seems to be the appropriate response.
“Adjusting” doesn’t give off the impression that I am overly emotional, sleep deprived, self-conscious and challenged to answer to every “mommy” or cry while I stare at my to-do list, undone from last week.
“Adjusting” can mean that I’m taking it day-by-day, soaking up the baby cuddles, trying to embrace rest, learning to love greater and not hold myself to some crazy supermom expectation.
It simply means that some days I am the rock star of Mommy-and-Wife Land while other days I lay in bed at night realizing that I didn’t even brush my teeth all day. Yes, I’m adjusting.
The actual definition is: to make slight changes in something to make it fit or function better.
That is exactly it, although I don’t think adding another kin to the herd is a “slight change.” It is a big one, and the goal during this transition time is to get to a place where I function better – where we all function better.
A few nights ago during an adjustment relapse, I was in desperate search for that place. I wondered why we weren’t all functioning better.
I mean, I kept the kids alive every day, was pretty good about cleaning and laundry, took some naps and did special bonding time. Most days I even got a shower in.
I realized that I was trying so hard to make things fit better without the fundamental pieces. I was being just like our three-year-old daughter, jamming puzzle pieces together, bending and creasing the edges to force them to fit.
I missed my time with my husband. We were doing so well with “mom” and “dad,” but where was the time for “husband” and “wife”? We were concentrating so hard on the needs of the little ones that we pushed aside the needs for each other.
But that wasn’t even the bigger part of the hole. While my husband and I sat down and discussed the need for one-on-one time (which is so important), I saw that I was also missing my one-on-one time with God.
Here I was clinging to the idea of a date night, for the time where we would get to talk at the dinner table again or lay in bed and read when I realized that God desires the same thing of me and I wasn’t giving it to Him.
Making time for God is the only way things would fit together. Putting Him in control of my adjusting would be the only way it would function.
I love my children and I love taking care of the home, but time with the two main men in my life is crucial. My faith and my marriage are the foundation that makes everything else hold together.
I now schedule my time by dates: date with God; date with husband; date with the girls – then maybe a less enjoyable date with my laundry piles.
I still have no idea when I will make a date with the hair stylist or treadmill, but what can I say…I’m adjusting.